Old-iana Jones

Or rather – Harrison Ford is old. And therefore, it’s rather frightening to watch him leap about like a monkey, take punches to the face, and swing around on vines. As I watched him (or his stunt double) performing these heroic feats, in “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” I couldn’t help but wrinkle my nose in concern.

He’s too damn old to be leaping from that amphibious vehicle! He can’t possibly survive that fall! Isn’t it about time for a nap or a cheaply priced dinner buffet?

I was way too worried about him the entire movie, to properly enjoy myself. Not that there was much enjoying to be had, with Dan huffing and puffing and groaning in the seat next to me. He was no happy camper, I can tell you that much.

I did enjoy a wicked cool Russian accent from Cate Blanchett (who has mesmerizing eyes) and was annoyed/entertained by Shia Lebouf‘s hair. Sadly, Shia was a fairly wasted actor – and what was with him crying? Action heroes should not cry multiple times in one movie. It’s…weird. I had hoped Hollywood learned this lesson when Hugh Jackman sobbed multiple times in X3. It wasn’t pretty.

In summary: “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is just the latest tripe hacked up from the back throat of George Lucas, and spat straight in the eye of the American audience.

I’m not a huge devotee of either trilogy: Star Wars or Indiana Jones. So – their desecration is not a sacriligeous affair to me. Its just annoying. And proves to me that this guy has no new or original ideas, just plenty of ways to capitalize financially on the old ones.

Here’s the deal: You cultivate a legacy of good film making. And then you’re supposed to leave it alone. Collect your millions and retreat to your fortress in some remote location and die a happy fat old man.

Thems the rules. When you consistently break the rules – no one will like you anymore.

Movies such as “Indiana Jones 4” and “Clerks 2” are why film-makers should not be allowed to write, direct, produce, and edit movies.

Movies are a collaborative effort. You need to have someone who can look you in the eye and tell you the film sucks.

This film pretty much sucked.

I’m highly tempted to blame it on the digital format that I watched it in, however. There is nothing more horrid to the human eye than going to a movie theatre and experiencing crystal clear picture. So clear it sears the retinas.

I was not impressed, and put on my reading glasses during the previews to add sufficient blur. I kept them on the entire film, just to rest my eyes from the strain of the TOO CLEAR picture in front of me.

If this is the future of cinema, count me out. I’ll take a print with a scratchy reel any day of the week.

Blu-Ray sucks too.

Much Love, Mindy C


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

About tinyheroes

Mindy Crouchley is a 33 year old woman with a degree in English and Technical Writing from Portland State University. She has accumulated three+ years experience in the Marketing and Communications field - with an emphasis on creating digital media content. She has been reading comic books since she was 10 years old. She currently lives in outer southeast Portland with her spouse Dan Robertson, her baby girl, and their dog - Jabba the pug. She spends her free time devouring books, crafting cosplay, video gaming, attending comic cons, writing stories/screenplays, attending book to film adaptation club meetings, volunteering, and watching copious amounts of TV and movies.

4 responses to “Old-iana Jones”

  1. Will Park says :

    Dear Indy ,Thankyou for being a great character in all movies and especially the new movie INDIANA JONES Crystal Scull.
    WIll XOXO

  2. Mohammed says :

    Somehow i missed the point. Probably lost in translation 🙂 Anyway … nice blog to visit.

    cheers, Mohammed

Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. Old-iana Jones - May 24, 2008
  2. Pages tagged "annoying" - May 24, 2008

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: